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Family
One of the changes my family and I have made is trying to buy the right foods. We all do it; I have two other children, and we’re all trying to eat healthily. I also try to motivate the kids to use the community center near our house as a place to exercise, but they don’t really use it as much as they should. I’m constantly reminding them after school, “Go to the community center!” They have all types of activities there to keep them busy, and exercise is the thing that I’m working on with the children. If I could motivate them to get more exercise, that would help out a lot. I’m overweight myself, so I know how hard it is for my children. I know how hard it is when you go out to eat. And when we have an appointment here at the hospital, they cannot eat anything; they have to fast because they get blood work done. On those days, I try to pack them a lunch with sandwiches, apples, and water; I try to stay away from things like fast food I love certain foods, so I try not to put the kids in a situation where they’re hungry and the first thing we see is a fast food place, so we go get fast food. Basically, I’m trying to teach the kids that I’m trying, so I want them to try too. Since I have the same problem, I don’t think it would be fair if I pushed them to do this and to do that when I’m not trying myself. I’m trying to be a role model. I want them to look up to me and say, “Okay, she’s doing it, so I can do it too.”
We have all benefited from this experience. We are all eating better. We plan weekly meals at the beginning of the week and we all get to pick meals- we make an activity out of it. We also write our grocery lists together and shop together, so we are all learning to read labels— it is fun. I am putting my three year old in the program too, because I want us all to do this together. We all eat the same healthy meals and exercise together. We also have a very supportive family and they have been encouraging to us, so when we have family parties we always have a lot of healthy food choices.
If you can, you should definitely talk to a nutritionist. Inform yourself about what is healthy and what is not, because I think a lot of people have the wrong ideas. Try to keep healthy food around and not junk food, because having junk in the house makes it much harder on the child and it’s not fair to them. Besides, it’s a good idea for the whole family to eat healthily. I carry a lot of guilt and I think it’s easier for me to say to somebody else, “Don’t do that” and “Don’t give up.” Weight loss plans can be very frustrating for you and for the child— it’s hard!
Her brother is fifteen and he does not pay much attention to any of this. He has complained that there is never anything good to eat in the house, but I explain to him that even though he is at a point where he doesn’t have to worry about the number of calories he consumes, he should still strive towards eating healthily. Just because he doesn’t need to lose weight doesn’t mean that he should be allowed to eat only junk food.
I would say that our nutritionist has been helpful in making up food plans specifically for my daughter. One thing that I was apprehensive about initially and found somewhat stressful was people assuming that we took her to fast food places three times a week and let her sit in front of the TV and eat bags of chips and donuts. We’re somewhat educated about healthy foods and haven’t fed her that way, although we’re certainly not perfect. The fear of being judged as parents was stressful.
I have Type 1 diabetes, so I’m very strict about my weight and my diet. I think that’s why I would overindulge my daughter— because she could indulge and I never could. I needed to learn I wasn’t helping her out by letting her overindulge.
We never talk about weight. We never say we’re going to try to lose 10 pounds this month, or try to come down a size. Rather we say, “This week we’re going to try to stick to our diets.” I also make it an “us” thing rather than a “her” thing, and I find that helps. It helps her father too, because he’s overweight and needs to lose as well.
I’ve cut down on buying soda, and I’ve tried to buy healthier snacks. My kids will eat vegetables and fruits, and since I work I buy those pre-cut vegetables. They’re more apt to snack on them if they’re there and already prepared. But my family has been affected. My son is very frustrated, very attitude-y. That is what has affected us most, and it carries over into his whole life. He’s constantly down on himself; he doesn’t think he’s good at anything because of the way he looks. And it’s affected my other kids too. They don’t mind not having soda around, but when we go to buy clothes and we can’t find anything to fit him, it bothers them too. Those are the most difficult things for me as a mother— finding clothes that are ‘cool’ but also fit well.
My weight tends to fluctuate; my husband and I have not always had good eating habits or had the right attitude about weight. We’ve taken it for granted, but we could make better choices in front of him. I know I worry a lot about my appearance and I’ve probably made comments in front of him that I shouldn’t have that have made him more aware of it. It’s hard when you’re trying to maintain a certain weight yourself too.
We haven’t been affected badly by the changes, because a lot of us here are overweight. We just look at it more as healthy eating— eating the way we all should eat. It’s educational for us. And we’re all making the change together, because that’s the only way it works. I actually dragged my husband here, making him take a personal day, and told him, “You explain to the dietician why you can’t go on a diet with me.” Until he did that, it really wasn’t helpful for any of us. Now we all come in together, and we all get weighed— that’s the whole key. My son thinks he’s not overweight, and he’s right, but his body is changing. I tell him, “This is the way you’re supposed to eat, not the way just one of us has to eat because she’s overweight.”
His siblings have been very supportive, but junk food is a big issue. Our nutritionist tells us specifically what to eat as a treat. We found this ice cream that’s eighty calories, and we go out once a week for it. We try not to have junk in the house, because if you don’t have the bad food around, you don’t eat it as much. We also got a treadmill and the whole family uses it.
I really talk about it a lot when she’s lost weight— if I see that her pants are looser or she’s happy because she made a good choice. But if she’s in a bad mood about her plan, because maybe she’s around something she can’t eat and she’s mad about it, I choose not to talk to her about it at that moment. We went to a restaurant once when the company didn’t want to eat healthily and Andrea didn’t want to make any good choices. It was upsetting to the whole table! There are times when it’s very difficult. At another point, I had to tell my mother that Andrea couldn’t stay with her for a week of vacation if she was just going to let her sit on the couch and eat unhealthily. I told her, “This is for her health. If you can’t get that through your head, then she can’t stay with you.” Those are the hard things. My mother will come to visit and bring cookies, regular orange juice, sugary cereals, and all of this stuff, and I’m like, “Take this stuff and go put it in your car, because I don’t want it in my house.” The kids really need their parents’ support in this, because the rest of the nation isn’t really that helpful. But there are certain healthier products that taste better too— you just have to go to the grocery store and find them. I think products with this new artificial sweetener taste better. There are a lot more sugar-free products out there than kids realize. And the kids have to really follow the program too. At night I pack her all of her food for lunch the next day. You have to make food and exercise a priority if it doesn’t come naturally, which it doesn’t for me. You just have to do it; I told my husband, “I don’t care if the house falls down— we still have to do this.” People’s lives are so busy that they don’t put an emphasis on this, and that’s what they really need to do.
I’ve started working out recently, and Sandy seems inspired by that. We’re doing it together. She was always looking at her sister, who’s extremely thin, so I think she feels like she’s got a best friend in it now that I’m doing it. She looks at her sister, who will sit and eat a bag of chips and still weighs seventy pounds; she’s over five and a half feet, and she’s nine and a half. Sandy just feels totally foreign to the family sometimes.
The biggest things that we cut back on were the beverages that we were drinking. No more juices, and sodas have been really limited. Sarah almost never drinks soda, and if she does, it’s a diet soda on a special occasion. My five year-old is drinking either milk or water, and that is a change that I don’t think he really realized was happening; I just stopped giving juices to him. My fourteen year old encourages her sister, but she is not necessarily herself taking on as many of the good habits as we would like for her to take on. But she is very positive, upbeat and helpful, and she is slowly making some of the changes. Certainly, Sarah’s father encourages her in a big way. But I can’t really say that it has affected the household as a whole in any huge way; there have just been mild changes.
I have only told close family members [about my daughter’s weight issues], because my daughter prefers it that way. It’s her business. I told her she can say it or not say it; it’s up to her. But I did tell her not to announce it to the world, because most people are unfortunately not that understanding. I left it up to her, and I haven’t told a lot of people.
I try never to mention weight in front of friends, or to say, “Don’t eat that” or “Don’t drink that.” I try never to say it out loud. If we’re in a situation and he’s drinking soda, I’ll pull him aside and say, “You might want to try water.” I would never embarrass him and make a big deal out of it in front of people. I find that the best time to talk to my son is nighttime, when he’s in bed. Then he’s calm, cool, and feels safe, so he’s able to discuss the day. A lot of times he’ll open up about things that he might not have [at other times]. That’s when we talk about eating healthily and issues like that. Embarrassing kids in front of other kids is the worst thing you can do, so I try very hard not to put my kids in that situation.
My child’s condition has definitely affected our family. I love to cook, especially Italian foods like pasta dishes. But I just channeled that creativity into making healthy foods. Instead of regular lasagna, I’ll make vegetable lasagna. And we all eat the same way; we’ve all changed.
There was a lot of anger in me when I was in high school; I felt a lot of depression. Also, my parents would tell me I was fat and tell me what I should and shouldn’t eat. I found this humiliating. That is just the way that my parents raised me; I don’t fault them for that. But I even had an uncle who taunted me about my weight. My wife and I know better now— we know not to treat our child like that. We are trying to go off the lessons that I had to endure as child, and we are doing our best so that Greg will not have to endure that in any way, shape, or form. |
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Hospital Boston Department of Psychiatry. All Rights Reserved. The information on this website should not be taken as medical advice, which can only be given to you by your personal health care professional. July 10, 2005 |
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