Therapy as a Punishment

Although there was no specific date when I "became depressed", I do clearly remember the August day when I was eleven years old and for the first time said aloud, "I want to die!" and mean it. And then came what I interpreted as a punishment for saying I wanted to die. My father announced, "That’s it! No normal eleven-year-old talks about wanting to die. You are going to start seeing a psychiatrist!" And a week later, I did.

For me, the therapy I received at that time was short-lived and not effective, because I saw "seeing a psychiatrist" as punishment for being a rude and abnormal kid who wanted to die. I refused to open up to the doctor until finally one day I did, and was so embarrassed and ashamed of what I had revealed that I refused to go back. If you are a parent reading this, please be careful to never present your child’s consultation or treatment with a therapist as punishment. It is difficult and embarrassing enough for a kid to meet with an unknown adult and to start to confide personal things. There is no room to add feelings of punishment and guilt into the mix.

Another note of caution to parents trying to help a depressed child: Never tell him or her to stop wasting their young lives with their depression. I heard that countless times from my parents, who I know were trying to be helpful, but actually only compounded the guilt I was already experiencing from my depression with guilt for not being more involved and productive in my teen years.