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Methods of Support
Connecting with other parents - NAMI We connected with the National Alliance for Mentally Ill (NAMI). They were wonderful; my husband and I are actually both now on the Board of Directors. We were so impressed by how much they were able to help in terms of education and support. They also do advocacy; we really didn’t need it at that point, but the education and the support were phenomenal. They have a wonderful library and at that time there was very little out as far as books. There were a couple books that I think everybody had probably read. Especially when we started going the bipolar route, there was nothing on bipolar kids until The Bipolar Child came out. But just the fact that you could talk to the other parents and educate each other on what they have tried, what’s worked, what hasn’t worked. There were informal meetings; they had formal meetings as well. They would bring guest speakers in to talk on different topics and actually, a few years later, they started a Visions for Tomorrow course, which is a 12-week educational course that runs the gamut on mental health issues from ADHD to Schizophrenia to Bipolar, how to navigate the system, so those kinds of things. That was very helpful. We have a wonderful supportive family. Thank God for my parents. They pretty much co-parented with us; they participated in all the family meetings. We had a wonderful family therapist so we kept regular meetings with her as well. I have one friend who has two sons who both have ADD. Those kids have no learning issues at all; one of them is at Yale at the moment. It is a little bit different, but I’ve talked to her quite a bit. I’ve talked to many other friends. It is very helpful people don’t necessarily say the answer is x or y, but they help you think it out a little bit. Lindsay goes to a girls’ group. It’s basically social skills. It’s girls who are having trouble making friends and keeping friends and socially interacting. She loooves it, and it’s really made a big difference for her— a big difference. And there’s been a big difference at school. I’ve noticed a big difference at home now, too, because she’s on the phone all the time. She’s interacting a lot more with kids. She just started camp like a week ago— she loves it now. She’s talking to a lot more kids. The group seems to really be helping her understand how to react and how to talk to kids, because she has had a really hard time with it. Before, when a kid didn’t agree with what she wanted to do, or how she wanted to do it, she would say, “Well, too bad, then. That’s what I want to do. Go home.” And so she had one or two close friends, and then other than that it was like, “I’m mad! Go away!” and then she couldn’t understand why people were going away. Now she seems to be understanding better how to interact with kids. She’s on the phone a lot, on the computer, e-mailing people she knows, doing more things socially, so the group does seem to be helping her. When Andrew was in junior high and transitioning to high school and he had some social issues and some other things. It is a tough time for a kid anyway, let alone a kid that has ADD and is a little bit different then other kids. So we actually had him go to a counselor and we did family counseling. He would go sometimes and sometimes he and Michael, his brother who is very close in age to him, would go together and then sometimes we would all go and sometimes just my husband and I would go. The younger kids would sit off coloring somewhere and the counselor would try to get them to participate and ask if they had any feedback about what was going on. My daughter, who is now sixteen, would chime in once and awhile about what she saw that was going on. But I think it was very helpful to have this outsider, this counselor, be talking to the different kids and then be talking to my husband and me about things. We were both working full time at the time and pretty busy and active and going in a hundred directions— we had to make some changes in our life. My husband and I were both in active duty in the military and at the time we were teaching, which doesn’t sound like a real high-stress job, but we worked pretty long hours and having five children that are involved in hockey, soccer, all the things. My counselor thought I was a nut case. She said, “You’ve got to slow something down in your life.” And we realized that that it wasn’t as good for the kids, either, if we were always so busy all the time. So when all this was happening, my husband developed some health problems and three years ago we retired. I pretty much just do some part time work now, my husband still teaches full time, but not in the army. I think that helped. Our family sorted of needed that to kind of shift gears a little bit, and not be going a hundred miles an hour all the time. Her father doesn’t like Stephanie being on medication. He never has liked it. She started in third or fourth grade— – no maybe not that early— I can’t remember to tell you the truth. Maybe since fourth or fifth. He was always against it and I kind of overruled him. I just said to him, “Too bad— we are doing it my way.” I had a very strong feeling that it would be necessary. I guess he felt that somehow she could just learn to pay attention. I don’t think he saw it as I do. He’s a very accomplished writer; he has written ten books. He never did well in school and he doesn’t really care about that kind of thing. He doesn’t think that is what makes you smart or not smart. So it didn’t matter to him as much what her grades were going to be as much as it mattered to me. I don’t know why I won, maybe because I just wouldn’t take no for an answer. I’m sort of the person who organizes the children’s health care. I’m the one who takes them to the doctor, dentist, and therapist if they need one. So I just went ahead with it. He went and met the child psychiatrist and heard what he had to say and then he said, “Okay, let’s try it.” Sometimes, like when we go see the child psychiatrist, he’ll say when we get home, “Can she stop taking it?” It’s like a subtext. It’s not a big bone of contention, but I’m sure he would prefer that she not take any medication. But he can also see that she does better when she is on it. I think that I basically bear the brunt. I believe that my husband has ADHD. He still is not convinced that ADHD exists, much less that he has it! Although he agrees the meds work and can see the huge difference. I think he is in denial! So, I plug along, read info, do seminars, find studies, go to therapy and try to educate him. That's all I can do. |
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Hospital Boston Department of Psychiatry. All Rights Reserved. The information on this website should not be taken as medical advice, which can only be given to you by your personal health care professional. Updated: February 12, 2007 |
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