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Family Relations
I partly think maybe Julie would have a better grasp on her problem if I hadn’t been so helpful. It has impacted her relatively little, because I am not a sink or swim kind of mom. I’m not going to say, “You know what? You are going to get an F on that paper because I’m not bringing it to school.” I just won’t do that— I just don’t have it in me. On another level, some parents might do more of that and their kids might have a better grasp. That’s the thing that’s hard, when do you help your kids and when do you start to slowly move back and insist that they take responsibility for their own difficulties? Because Megan can be very forgetful, my husband just gets crazy because every time he turns around she can’t find something and is in a rush and then she gets upset. That is the part that within our family is so frustrating: she is all chaotic, all in a dither, can’t find her way out of a paper bag, everything is so overwhelming. If I can help her break everything down into smaller tasks and help her stay focused and get her to take medication, she can then work through it. That’s the part that’s really tough. It’s just hard for us. She has matured a lot and I’m learning to step back and just realize that I can’t solve everything for her forever. If she is chaotic at times she has to learn how to do that and work through it. Michael really got the brunt on him because his older brother Andrew who is only sixteen months older than him has ADD. Michael had a very difficult time understanding why the standards weren’t the same for him and his brother. His brother got away with a lot more, we were tougher on Michael we expected more, and even as Michael grew up and understood the difference I think it was still hard on him. When Andrew was not able to control some of the things he was doing and then Michael would behave and we would get on his case and he’s like well, “Andrew’s whatever” and it’s like “Well, you know it’s hard for Andrew.” He has a hard time. So I think it is hard on the siblings of a kid with ADHD. We have wonderful supportive family. Thank God for my parents. They pretty much co-parented with us; they participated in all the family meetings. We had a wonderful family therapist so we kept regular meetings with her as well. Her father doesn’t like Julie being on medication. He never has liked it. She started in third or fourth grade— no maybe not that early— I can’t remember to tell you the truth. Maybe since fourth or fifth. He was always against it and I kind of overruled him. I just said to him, “Too bad— we are doing it my way.” I had a very strong feeling that it would be necessary. I guess he felt that somehow she could just learn to pay attention. I don’t think he saw it as I do. He’s a very accomplished writer; he has written ten books. He never did well in school and he doesn’t really care about that kind of thing. He doesn’t think that is what makes you smart or not smart. So it didn’t matter to him as much what her grades were going to be as much as it mattered to me. I don’t know why I won, maybe because I just wouldn’t take no for an answer. I’m sort of the person who organizes the children’s health care. I’m the one who takes them to the doctor, dentist, and therapist if they need one. So I just went ahead with it. He went and met the child psychiatrist and heard what he had to say and then he said, “Okay, let’s try it.” Sometimes, like when we go see the child psychiatrist, he’ll say when we get home, “Can she stop taking it?” It’s like a subtext. It’s not a big bone of contention, but I’m sure he would prefer that she not take any medication. But he can also see that she does better when she is on it. |
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Hospital Boston Department of Psychiatry. All Rights Reserved. The information on this website should not be taken as medical advice, which can only be given to you by your personal health care professional. Updated: February 12, 2007 |
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